I want a Smoke Tree! SO there comes a time in every month when you realize you're down to your last $15 with a week and a half to go.
And while this does severely limit my food possibilities, contrary to popular belief Kim can live on beans alone. It ceased to be funny, however, when I ran out of smokes.
So I calculated it out and found that I have a $7 smoke budget for the rest of the week. So I did what anyone would do. Put on my bra and went to the Quik Mart.
"Azim, give me your cheapest smokes."
Azim looked at me like I'd just killed a cow or something. He hesitantly plucked a pack of Camels from the shelf and jabbed them at me.
"No, not this time. Your cheapest."
"I sell nothing cheap."
"I am not questioning the quality of your establishment here, my man. Your cheapest smokes."
He went in the back and came out with a plain white pack with "CIGARETTES" printed in somewhat authoritative black letters.
"Come from under Iron Curtain."
Hoping that Iron Curtain was some Pakistani witticism for "Really good cigarette factory" or possibly "Smoke Tree" I accepted them and after an anxious walk home was treated to a surprise when I realized that smoking pine cones wrapped in toilet paper probably would be more...or less, that is...less gross.
But yet here I am, going to have another.
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"All things considered, fat people just use more soap."
